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Post by tracy108 on Oct 13, 2007 10:55:14 GMT
. One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of Chicken Little to her class. She came to the part of the story where Chicken Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, ".... and so Chicken >Little went up to the farmer and said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!" >The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that farmer said?" >One little girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said: >'Holy S**t! A talking chicken!'" >The teacher was unable to teach for the next 10 minutes
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Post by tracy108 on Oct 13, 2007 10:56:29 GMT
A nursery school pupil told his teacher he'd found a cat, but it was dead. >"How do you know that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil. >"Because I p****d in its ear and it didn't move," answered the child innocently. >"You did WHAT?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. >"You know," explained the boy, "I leaned over and went 'Pssst' and it didn't move"
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Post by tracy108 on Oct 13, 2007 10:57:16 GMT
A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five minutes later....."Da-ad...." >"What?" >"I'm thirsty. Can you bring a drink of water?" >"No, You had your chance. Lights out." >Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." >"WHAT?" >"I'm THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??" >I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to smack you!!" >Five minutes later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." >"WHAT!" >"When you come in to smack me, can you bring a drink of water?"
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Post by tracy108 on Oct 13, 2007 10:59:19 GMT
When I was six months pregnant with my third child, my three year old came into the room when I was just getting ready to get into the shower. >She said, "Mummy, you are getting fat!" >I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mummy has a baby growing in her tummy." >"I know," she replied, but what's growing in your bum?"
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Post by Jojo on Oct 15, 2007 21:32:43 GMT
Pmsl.....fantastic lol!
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Post by tracy108 on Oct 16, 2007 9:18:38 GMT
She was in the kitchen preparing to boil eggs for breakfast. He walked in; She turned and said, You've got to make love to me this very moment." His eyes lit up and he thought,
"This is my lucky day." Not wanting to lose the moment, he embraced her and then gave it his all; right there on the kitchen table. Afterwards she said,
"Thanks," and returned to the stove. More than a little puzzled, he asked,
"What was that all about?" She explained, "The egg timer's broken."
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Post by pinkshell1110 on Oct 16, 2007 13:17:39 GMT
pmpl tracey they're brill xxxxxxx
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Post by nikki on Oct 16, 2007 13:22:48 GMT
pmsl there really good
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Post by tracy108 on Oct 22, 2007 8:53:18 GMT
Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Flaherty.
The Father said, 'Top o' the mornin' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer hoosband 2 years ago?'
She replied, 'Aye, that ye did, Father.'
The Father asked, 'And be there any wee little ones yet?'
She replied, 'No, not yet, Father.'
The Father said, 'Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer hoosband.'
She replied, 'Oh, thank ye, Father.'
They then parted ways.
Some years later they met again.
The Father asked, 'Well now, Mrs. Donovan, how are ye these days?'
She replied, 'Oh, very well, Father!'
The Father asked, 'And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?'
She replied, 'Oh yes, Father! Three sets of twins and 4 singles, 10 in all!'
The Father said, 'That's wonderful! How is yer loving hoosband doing?'
She replied, 'E's gone to Rome to blow out yer friggin' candle.'
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Post by tracy108 on Nov 15, 2007 10:05:07 GMT
A father asked his 10 year old son if he knew all about the birds and the bees. "I don't want to know !", the child said, bursting into tears."Promise me, you won't tell me". Confused, the father asked what was wrong ? The boy sobbed,"When i was 7, i got the "There's no Easter Bunny" speech. When i reached the age of 8, you hit me with the "There's no Tooth Fairy" speech. At the ripe old age of 9, you kindly told me " There's no Santa Claus". "Now, if you're gonna try and tell me that adults don't get laid, what's a kid got to live for ?".
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Post by tracy108 on Nov 15, 2007 10:05:49 GMT
An undertaker was talking to a man who's wife had just died. "How are you coping ?", he asked. "Well, the sex is the same, but the pots are piling up !".
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Post by shirley on Nov 15, 2007 10:42:57 GMT
Very good Tracy !!!! pmsl
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Post by Jojo on Nov 18, 2007 15:33:17 GMT
Lmao.....Brilliant!
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Post by lizzymd² on Nov 18, 2007 20:53:34 GMT
Very funny
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Post by tracy108 on Nov 21, 2007 13:42:59 GMT
A man came home from work and found his three children outside, still in their pyjamas, playing in the mud, with empty food boxes and wrappers strewn all around the front yard. The door of his wife's car was open, as was the front door to the house and there was no sign of the dog. Proceeding into the entry, he found an even bigger mess. A lamp had been knocked over, and the throw rug was wadded against one wall.
In the front room the TV was loudly blaring a cartoon channel, and the family room was strewn with toys and various items of clothing. In the kitchen, dishes filled the sink, breakfast food was spilled on the counter, the fridge door was open wide, dog food was spilled on the floor, a broken glass lay under the table, and a small pile of sand was spread by the back door.
He quickly headed up the stairs, stepping over toys and more piles of clothes, looking for his wife. He was worried she may be ill, or that something serious had happened. He was met with a small trickle of water as it made its way out the bathroom door. As he peered inside he found wet towels, scummy soap and more toys strewn over the floor. Miles of toilet paper lay in a heap and toothpaste had been smeared over the mirror and walls.
As he rushed to the bedroom, he found his wife still curled up in the bed in her pyjamas, reading a novel. She looked up at him, smiled, and asked how his day went. He looked at her bewildered and asked, "What happened here today?" She again smiled and answered, "You know every day when you come home from work and you ask me what in the world did I do today?" "Yes," was his incredulous reply. She answered, "Well, today I didn't do it."
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brandy
Junior Member
Posts: 194
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Post by brandy on Nov 21, 2007 19:15:40 GMT
very funny and very true lol
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Post by claireyd22 on Nov 21, 2007 20:46:07 GMT
Thats great, maybe we should all try that one out for ourselves xx
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Post by nikki on Nov 22, 2007 10:03:32 GMT
pmsl so so so true! im with claire on this one mabye we should all try it lol
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Post by Jojo on Nov 22, 2007 15:01:32 GMT
Pmsl.....brilliant!
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ѕтєω
Junior Member
Posts: 87
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Post by ѕтєω on Nov 27, 2007 17:10:31 GMT
LISTEN TO THESE,
What did the robot say to the centipede?? Stop being a centipede, hahaha how random!
What did the man say to his reflection?? Stop copying me!! Hahaha how random,
What did one Pritt Stick say to the other Pritt Stick? We should be twins!! hahaha! how random!!
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Post by tracy108 on Nov 28, 2007 9:46:36 GMT
WELL RANDOM.........lol
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Post by Jojo on Nov 29, 2007 21:40:18 GMT
What you like Charlotte??? lol...
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Post by tracy108 on Nov 30, 2007 19:21:05 GMT
Fella walkin' home one night after havin' a skinful with his mates in the local, decides to take a shortcut through the park, when he sees a woman lurking in the shadows. "Twenty quid", she whispers. He'd never been with a hooker before, but thought, what the hell, and it's only twenty quid, so they got down into the bushes. They're goin' at it for a couple of minutes, when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. It's a police officer. "Hello,hello,hello, what's goin' on here then people ?", asks the officer. "Oh, i'm just making love to the missus constable", says the fella rather uneasily. " Oh, that's alright then", says the officer, "I didn't realise it was your wife". "No", says the fella, "Neither did i until you shone that light in her face !",
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Post by pinkshell1110 on Nov 30, 2007 20:07:58 GMT
lmao tracy
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Post by tracy108 on Dec 2, 2007 15:00:29 GMT
A bunch of girls went on a double decker bus tour while over in England. The brunettes took the lower level allowing all of the blondes to enjoy the upper level. About half way through the tour, the brunettes were wondering if the blondes were having as much fun as they were. Some of the brunettes climbed the stairs to the upper level only to find all of the blondes scared stiff, clutching guard rails and each other. "What's the matter up here?" one of the brunettes asked. "We are having a great time downstairs". The blondes replied "that's easy for you, we don't have a driver up here!"
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Post by tracy108 on Dec 2, 2007 15:01:51 GMT
Larry LaPrise,the man that wrote "The Hokey Kokey", died peacefully at the age of 93 yesterday. The most traumatic part of it all for his family was getting him in the coffin. They put his left leg in...... and that's when all the ******* trouble started !!!!! lol,lol,lol.
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brandy
Junior Member
Posts: 194
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Post by brandy on Dec 2, 2007 20:13:29 GMT
pmsl very funny lol lol
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Post by tracy108 on Dec 6, 2007 15:03:53 GMT
why is a christmas tree better than a bloke? ? its always erect..it stays up 12 days and 12 nights..has cute balls..and looks good with the lights on....lol
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brandy
Junior Member
Posts: 194
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Post by brandy on Dec 7, 2007 20:43:22 GMT
a woman asks her hubby to buy her something long and see through for xmas.so he brought her a roll of clingfilm.....
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Post by tracy108 on Dec 12, 2007 15:10:19 GMT
A teacher asks her class, 'If there are five birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?' She calls on little Tony. He replies, 'None, they will all fly away with the first gunshot.' The teacher replies, 'The correct answer is four, but I like your thinking.' Then little Tony says, 'I have a question for you. There are 3 women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?' The teacher, blushing a great deal, replied, 'Well, I suppose the one that's gobbled down the top and sucked the cone.' To which little Tony replied, 'The correct answer is 'the one with the wedding ring on,' but I like your thinking.'
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