Once upon a time there was a big green monkey and it liked to swing from treetops wit its feet in a big pair of wellies filled with custard. One day his friend whose name was Fred, warmed the custard up and Poured it in his poor old grandmothers frilly knickers and then proceeded to put on a flowery hat and go to the shops to buy a new pair of chocolate flavour kippers for her dog, who was accidentally on purpose, piddling all over the Daily telegraph which happened to be the Queens very own personal copy.
She said "...air hair lair (say it out loud!) And you are bloody well gonna be headless in a min mar lad"
So she ordered her guards to Take the wretched dog and shave it bald and prepare it for The annual cycling race which was going to be done under water. The cycling team consisted of 3 frogs, 9 hedgehogs and a big fat Custard pie (I like Custard).
”On your Marks, get set...” and off they went and in the lead there was A skinny banana wearing Nike trainers, closely following in second place is a cheese string in an adidas tracksuit and a sweatband around his head. The rest of the racers were old age pensioners in thongs and suspender belts, they were in a special race for creating a better Fireguard made from cheese.
The one at the old folks home was made of chocolate and the old dears with diabetes and high cholesterol levels had eaten it all, anyway, that is another story! When the race was half way through the cheese string in adidas tracksuit and sweatband over his head. He was wandering why his cousin had taken this new job of being a fireguard and asks him
"I thought you were gonna join the wacky circus as their new lion tamer" “Well”, said the cheese string, “I was until the wife ran off wiv the fire eater from the same circus. So it was then I decided to become a monk and live in the Far East, so I could get a nice tan & start work on my toenails. I'm looking to getting them at least 8 inches long, so I can scratch my Eyebrows”
After wandering around a desert he came across a small grass hut, he walked up 2 the door & he was about 2 knock when his head exploded revealing Two tiny lil hamsters, named Joey & Ralph, Ralph coughed loudly & out popped His internal twin named Geoff.
”Enough of this nonsense” Geoff squealed as he turned to Joey & ate him “What do you think you are doing?” said Ralph “That's just plain cheese with ham on, and melted cheese at that”. Well there's nothing left to do but stick a rubber glove on my head and scream " oh the pain, oh the pain" as Joey popped out of Ralph’s arse!!
The day after Joey went they decided there was nothing for it but to