katy
Junior Member
Posts: 86
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Post by katy on Mar 30, 2008 20:42:50 GMT
not surewhy this is hun but i have just read all 4 chapters and maybe its the pg hormones maybe not but i am crying now x Thank you for shareing this with us x
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Post by odiness on Apr 1, 2008 22:59:23 GMT
Chapter 5 .... The new arrival ….
An hour or so after Jasmine entered the world I was told to feed her, I had decided to bottle feed because I wanted to monitor how much she was taking. Also, to be completely honest, breast feeding had never really appealed to me. Right away it was obvious that Jasmine’s sucking motion was absolutely fine, she polished off the four ounces, finishing with a well executed and satisfied burp that made her jump, swiftly followed by a vigorous hiccup session.
Once my Mum had left the hospital mid-morning to let me get some rest, I lay on the bed and held Jasmine against my chest. I was worried about falling asleep cradling her but equally I wanted the closeness of holding her against me. We sat for what must have been at least two hours, me in a zombified state, needing more than anything to get some sleep and Jasmine snoozing and intermittently taking in her surroundings and this strange person holding her. It is hard to describe how I felt to eventually be seeing and holding my little angel, perhaps the closest explanation would be to say that I felt peaceful. It was as though nothing else in the world mattered at that moment apart from having her close and watching her sleep, breathe and look at me through her big blue eyes.
I also remember smiling and laughing to myself about her expressions. At such a young age she had mastered the most enormous head creasing frown and the most adorable full lipped pout. Right from those first couple of hours I knew that she would never be able to hide what she was thinking or feeling with such an expressive face. What really made me laugh was the way that she raised her eyebrows. I knew that her eyesight hadn’t developed enough to make out people or objects or take in her surroundings but occasionally she would raise her eyebrows to the ceiling as though she was wise beyond her years and was thinking to herself “what on earth’s going on?”
I saw the paediatrician consultant during the first afternoon after Jasmine’s arrival, I was anxious to know whether any health issues had been detected. I was told that they had not detected anything at all and that my little girl was perfectly healthy. She was taken for her hearing screening and passed that without any problems. I started to breath a little easier but even then I was thinking that there had to be a catch, with all the possible complications that can occur with Downs babies, surely I couldn’t be so lucky for Jasmine to have none. With some things it was a waiting game, like bowel movements etc. I expect that is the same with any newborn baby and that every first time Mum is a little paranoid about whether things are ‘normal’ with their baby. Jasmine’s breathing sounded very heavy and snorty but again I was told that this can happen with any newborn where it takes a while for the mucus to clear, because with Downs Syndrome the child’s passages are generally narrower, it can just take a little longer.
After my visitors that evening had left I settled Jasmine to sleep in a baby grow which seemed 2 sizes too big with a matching hat. She snuggled peacefully into her cot and didn’t stir from then on. I knew I should sleep and I tried to doze but I was so paranoid about every little noise she made I found myself once again lying in the bed and watching her sleeping. The nurses had offered to mind Jasmine whilst I caught up on some sleep but I knew I couldn’t let her out of my sight so soon. I must have managed a couple of hours snoozing here and there during that first night. I woke Jasmine a couple of times for feeds although she didn’t really wake, just took the milk in her sleep then went back down in her cot. I wondered whether she would have woken me herself had I not have been so restless or whether she would have just slept the night. It was becoming clear that she liked sleep as much if not more than her bottle. I realised that I had only once heard her cry and that was when she was first born, she seemed very content.
I was actually able to go home the next day, after just one night in hospital with Jasmine. We were discharged early the next morning with appointments for the paediatrician and various tests to follow. I headed back to my mum’s where I planned to stay for a couple of weeks whilst I found my feet with baby. It was too daunting for me to go straight home alone with her.
The next couple of days (or weeks even) were hectic with visitors. Friends and family came, my Dad, Step Mum and brother from Northern Ireland stayed close by for a few days. Jasmine with so placid, she slept a lot and was happy to be passed to anyone who wanted to hold her. She’d look at them as though she was making everyone and everything out. People said they couldn’t believe how nosey she seemed. Even from a few days old, she wouldn’t let me hold her with her head against me, she’d crane her neck and try to look around. Already she was so strong and it seemed she was determined too.
We didn’t really get onto a routine as such, Jasmine was so undemanding, she never cried. I had to wake her during the night for feeds so after a week or so I would let her have 5 hours sleep from evening until midnight and then again until early morning. She was gaining weight fine and meeting the milestones such as reacting to noises and focusing on objects. I swear she smiled from about 3 or 4 weeks but people would often say it was just wind. To sum her up, Jasmine was content, laid back and unassuming. She was curious and seemed to take everything in, sometimes I swear I could hear those little brain cogs processing what she was observing.
As for me, I had been unsure as to how I would take to motherhood. If you knew me, you’d probably wonder the same. I remember some of the looks of surprise when I had first announced that I was pregnant. Before the pregnancy I had been a career focussed, straight talking (some people of a work capacity referred to it as scary or ball breaking), determined individual who liked to work hard and play equally as hard. I’d lived in my bachelorette pad where I often had all night benders with friends who always ended up worse off than me whether male or female.
Deep down I knew I’d always wanted children eventually but no one else could actually imagine it, neither could I if the truth be known. I don’t think you suddenly change as a person because you’re a parent but your priorities definitely do. Suddenly I have more patience and am more in touch with my emotions, I actually cry at the end of films now! I think it’s because suddenly you truly know what it feels like to love someone unconditionally. Everything you do is for a different purpose, not for personal or material gain but in the interests of your child.
People say being a mother is instinctive and comes naturally, I’d have to agree. I will be honest and admit that I am so grateful to have been blessed with such a good little baby. I don’t know how I would have coped with sleep deprivation or a baby that cried constantly. Perhaps Mother Nature thought she had handed me enough of a curve ball so I got lucky in other ways. I never found it hard to adapt, didn’t miss work, was happy spending time with Jasmine and getting to know her. Of course, like any new Mum, I’ve had moments where I’ve felt down or lonely or wanted a break but in the main I just love being with my little girl and watching her grow.
As for coping with Jasmine’s Downs Syndrome, it has never been an issue since she arrived. I think I came to terms with things during my pregnancy. The way I look at it is that Jasmine is simply Jasmine. The Downs Syndrome doesn’t define her, it’s part of her. I love everything about my daughter and wouldn’t change her for the world.
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Post by max on Apr 2, 2008 8:09:16 GMT
brilliant. I swear if I had read this as a new parent it would have been a life saver. Maybe you/we should contact the DSA and see if it can be made into a little booklet - maybe a few more of our stories could go together to give new parents a real insite into experiences of having a baby with DS??
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Post by debs4 on Apr 2, 2008 8:39:59 GMT
Its a wonderful story, you should definitly send it to a magazine to be published. x
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katy
Junior Member
Posts: 86
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Post by katy on Apr 2, 2008 10:36:00 GMT
its is very helpfull hun thak you for sharing x
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Post by odiness on Apr 2, 2008 17:37:43 GMT
Awww thanks everyone, will keep adding to it as Jasmine grows. Have been thinking about trying to get it published as a short story so am looking into it. Am glad you have found it helpful Katy. x
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Post by sarahncharlimai on Apr 2, 2008 18:03:07 GMT
Yeah i agree it would have helped me in my pregnancy too, so much better than the booklets we had, look forward to reading more x
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Post by anita on Apr 2, 2008 18:16:30 GMT
I had great difficulty accepting Henri as I knew nothing about DS and I thought it was the end of the world and nobody would accept him (I found out when Henri was born that he had DS ). If I had read something like your story in the begining I may have accepted Henri alot earlier. Thank you again for sharing it with us
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Post by karenh on Apr 2, 2008 21:05:29 GMT
I so so wish i'dread something like this too, i didn't know until Lucy was born and Im ashamed to say it took me a long long time to get my head around everything. I still have offish days, although thats nothing to do with Lucy, but my guilt for some of my thoughts during the early days/weeks with her. This would have been so helpful instead of reading clinical facts and figures.
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Post by odiness on Apr 3, 2008 20:27:15 GMT
Hi girls, don't get me wrong, as the next chapter will explain, I have bad days myself. Mainly because I worry for Jasmine's future and although I love her to pieces, I often wish she didn't have Downs. Hope it's not just me, am sure most people would admit that if they were honest. I want to cry sometimes if I think about it too much. That said, she only has to smile or do somthing clever or funny and everything seems alright again.
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Post by karenh on Apr 3, 2008 20:42:31 GMT
I probably won't word this very well but i wish i could take it away from lucy too Only because I worry about when Im old etc. hubby wouldn't change her for the world he says its part of her which makes me feel guilty. He accepted her right from the start while i had problems bonding and generally feeling miserable and shocked. I know what you mean though they only have to smile and make everything alright and when i focus on the here and now everything is good. x
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Post by anita on Apr 3, 2008 20:51:21 GMT
I to still have bad days and I do wonder what the future will bring for Henri, and I to wish that Henri didnt have downs so your not alone there.
We had an issue a while back when we were choosing schools for Daniel, we wanted him to go to our local school which is just round the corner for us. We went to their open day and thought what a lovely school, until we went to have alook around with the head on another day. I mentioned about Henri and that he had Downs and that we wanted him to go a mainstream school, the head then turned round and he was umming and ouring about it which didnt fill us with much confidance, I was later taking to some other parents about it and they said that he didnt want special needs children at his school as it affects the league tables, oh my what where we going to do, it was then that i started to think why couldnt Henri be normal as life would be so much eaiser.
Anyway I then went to Daniels pre-school (which is in the next village) and poured my heart out to them and they said to me why dont you send the boys here, so we had a look round and we then agreed that this was the school for us, and the next day, Daniels head of pre-school said that if Henri comes here he would have a classroom assistance that would stay with him all through school aswell, I then thought how lucky I was to get that and how some parents are fighting to get some sort of assistance for their child.
Sorry to waffle on but I to have bad days and I wish I didnt have to have all these hospital appointments as they get me down as you never know what they are going to say after the assement.
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Post by max on Apr 4, 2008 12:27:00 GMT
of course everyone wishes our children didn't have anything that makes their life harder. I adore Caleb with every inch of my being and everyone who meets him loves him - he's the luckiest child in the world and has everything he could want - but if I could vanish the Downs I would, for his sake not mine as I don't want anything to make his life tough. I'm his Mum and want to prtect him. I have very few bad days now but occassionally I seem to flop into self pity and fear for the future but then no parents know what the future holds for thei child.
Anita, sounds like you have a GREAT school there, well done!
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Post by odiness on Apr 16, 2009 22:43:49 GMT
Hope no one minds but am just bumping this for any newbes who might like to share my experience. Keeo meaning to update the story so will add some soon I promise. x
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Post by michellebean on May 18, 2009 17:05:18 GMT
Hi there. I haven't been on UFD for a few months now and just logged on and saw this. I read your story and could really identify with what you said/felt. Even though Rosie is now nearly 21 months i still struggle every now and then. Mainly when i see older Downs Syndrome kids/adults and things on tv about DS people. They always try to give off positive comments and information but it actually does the complete opposite with me and makes me realise Rosie IS 'different to other kids/people'. Yes i know that Rosie is Rosie first and foremost, and DS doesn't define her. I also know that everyone who knows/meets Rosie absolutely adores her. I also know that she is full of character and makes me laugh every single day and that i love her for who/what she is. However, i wish i could take away the DS and for her to be 'normal' with all the 'normal' life experiences etc. I cant really put it into words but my heart aches for her when i watch kids the same age as Rosie running rings around her and her bum shuffling trying to catch up and ending up playing on her own. When i look at her every day she is simply 'Rosie' but when i see her with other kids it reminds me she is different. Sorry to ramble on....
Michelle x
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Post by odiness on May 26, 2009 1:23:14 GMT
Hi Michelle
Jasmine and Rosie are about the same age and I know exactly what you mean. Sometimes when we go to playgroups or friends houses with other children, Jasmine just sits at a distance and watches in awe at what the other kids are doing. I always wonder what she's thinking.... probably "I wish I could do that"... Another of the hardest things is when she's really trying to communicate and tell me something and I just don't understand what she means, I can see how frustrating it is to her.
As you say though, as hard as it may be, we can only stay positive and encourage them as much as possible to develop and be the best they can.
Take care hun. x
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