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Post by lisajg on Aug 1, 2010 17:23:46 GMT
hi everyone, just needed somewhere to vent about facebook, hope you don't mind me ranting here but really would value your opinions. i love facebook for the fact that it helps me keep in contact with many of my ds friends across the world who are a huge support, especially when i have any questions or things in general i need to discuss regarding harry.... however.. more and more lately i am finding myself offended by peoples ignorance and attitudes. i've just read a status from someone i considered to be a friend saying their afternoon of listening to a band was ruined by the arrival of 'special needers' grrrrrrrrrr i've taken a deep breath and not responded because i know some people will roll their eyes and think i'm being over-sensitive but i am offended and this is just an example. do you think you would comment or just delete that person? the sad thing is i bet he doesn't even realise how ignorant he is being. i considered closing my facebook account because i had to ask a family member to remove photos of harrison because i was extremely concerned about the group of people they were mixing with stealing harry's photos and taking the piss, because i had seen a very close friend of theirs mocking a photo of 2 people with ds on their wall. another friend, someone who would claim they cared about harrison, posted a joke about a 'retard' on my wall which i deleted and then informed them how offensive that was. she was absolutely mortified and apologetic and hadn't even thought about what she was doing. sadly it still seems there are many people out there who are so ignorant about people with special needs and ds and i see alot of this ignorance on facebook. i think i will be spending less time on there but i don't want to close my account because it would be such a shame to lose touch with my ds friends phew.... feel a bit better for that rant xxxxx
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Post by karenh on Aug 1, 2010 17:48:53 GMT
Hi Lisa
I love facebook too, although at times, I find posting in here better especially as some of my friends just wouldn't "get" what im on about.
I don't think you are being over-sensitive at all. How good a "friend" is this person? Can you live without them, if so delete them. If you value their friendship send them a message, and tell them how it upset you. ( If they are the type of people to roll their eyes, when its clearly something very close to you heart, they can't be very good friends)
I have friends who use the "R" word and I cringe everytime I hear it. I think some people use it without realising how hurtful it is and understanding the meaning.
Lots of (((Hugs)))
xxx
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Post by lisajg on Aug 1, 2010 18:06:25 GMT
thanks karen, had just deleted him before i saw your message. I thought about telling him i was offended but decided to just hit the delete button, he was an old friend who i hadn't seen in a while and i really can't be arsed with people anymore when they have those attitudes.
I'm tempted to vent on my facebook status about how peed off I am in general with all the 'r-word' jokes etc etc but I know it will start a huge discussion and like you i feel happier posting on here because i know you guys will understand and be honest with me about whether i'm just being over-sensitive xxx
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Post by sarah on Aug 1, 2010 18:16:17 GMT
Yeah... i sometimes find facebook upsetting - I've been lucky as i havent seen any of my friends say offensive things - if I did I would just delete them, that way I am in control of it and dont have to enter into any discussions which would probably lead to me being more upset. I have however ever in the past joined a few groups after there seemed to be an increase of offensive groups set up by trolls, but I think we all ended up making that worse because thats what they thrive on - I got so upset about the things I read but now feel that it IS MY PAGE AND I CONTROL IT, so I dont join ANY groups about DS unless they are 'professional' ones , all my settings are private/friends only. Maybe we do need to get here up and running again as although I TOTALLY value all my DS friend on FB, here is more private and we dont run the risk of ignorant t**ts sneaking in our conversations!! Tricky as I do love Facebook too!! xx
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Post by Daddy2Josh on Aug 1, 2010 18:49:15 GMT
Hey Lisa, agree with Karen & Sarah's comments, i havnt had much experience of this myself on Facebook (although i did have an ex work colleague use the 'r' word in a status the other day - he's now deleted) But i totally think that any 'friend' who does make ANY sort of comment or post ,that you may find offensive wont be a genuine friend - so wont be of any great loss to you.
Personally i would'nt bother getting involved in discussions or responses either - just delete, that way you have total control & hopefully it'l help you not to dwell on & get upset.
Dont know if i've made any sense, hopefully i have lol
Take care
Ad xxxx
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Post by karenh on Aug 1, 2010 19:09:14 GMT
Good for you Lisa, you really don't need friends like that x
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Post by lisajg on Aug 1, 2010 19:14:51 GMT
i agree with all you say & i'm being more selective about my facebook friends now! i know i need to surround myself with people who are positive & supportive regarding harry and i don't need to know anyone with those kind of ignorant views. all my facebook settings are friends only now too & i learnt the same sarah from all those trolls and the various groups, it was becoming very draining & not worth getting involved. thanks you guys xxx
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Post by mum2rachel on Aug 1, 2010 19:30:44 GMT
I have to agree , love facebook but get fed up with people using the R..... word,i've deleted a couple of 'friends' who seemed fond of the word , did challenge one person who said it's just a joke - couldn't understand why it isn't ! As for people who think that people with special needs ruin their day -well you're well rid . The thing that I always think is there but for the grace of God.... cos anyone of us could be struck by illness or accident that might render us as 'special needs' .My husband works as a support worker with people who have acquired brain injuries , ordinary people who's lives have been turned upside down by accidents or illnesses , who's short term memories have been shot to pieces, who's speech has been taken from them or altered, who's behaviour has become inappropriate through no fault of their own , people who can no longer care for their own children without help ..... the list just goes on. It wouldn't be so funny then would it , they would want to be treated with respect & acceptance if it happened to them . I'm a great believer in treating others as i would like to be treated . Sorry climbing off my soapbox now...... xSusan
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Post by claireyd22 on Aug 1, 2010 21:39:05 GMT
Hi all, you are all right to just press delete. I haven;t been using fb much so haven;t come across anyone saying offensive things on my wall but like you said I have joined groups, these were quite upsetting when you got into reading what awful things people were saying. i don;t bother looking anymore because that is what these horrible people want - to upset and offend so its best not to give them the satisfaction. unfortunately there will always be ignorant small minded people around. I hope you are feeling better after your rant xxxx
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Post by lisajg on Aug 2, 2010 18:39:35 GMT
thanks susan & claire glad i'm not alone in how i feel, will continue to hope for a reduction in the ignorance out there & in the meantime the delete button helps! xxx
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catemc
Junior Member
Posts: 63
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Post by catemc on Aug 10, 2010 20:36:20 GMT
Hi All, I havent been on in ages but im glad i did. I have always avoided facebook as i am quite private (you wonder why i am on here) and i cant be bothered with people who can say offensive things. I like to be able to control who can see what i write and i find this forum really positive. I had an experience on facebook and it wasnt even my own. I was at a friends who had found a long lost friend of ours, my friend had posted on facebook that i had had a gorgeous little girl who just happened to have DS and the long lost friends reply was that she was very sorry but if anyone was to have one it was me. Needless to say i didnt get in touch with this friend i was really hurt. Even if i hadnt a child with a disability i still would have enough respect for people to never use those horrible terms. Wow great to get that off my chest!!!!! Cate xx
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